Little Red Corvette-I Mean Beetle Oct. 2006

Life in the Frumpy Zone can sometimes get chaotic – babies spewing vile liquids from either end, toddlers screaming uncontrollably for no apparent reason, and school agers putting out more attitude than Tyra Banks with a broken nail.

To release some of the steam that has accumulated in the pressure cooker known as my life, I have developed The Alternate Universe Fantasy Game. My game is simple. When chaos starts to reign, I say to myself, “Somewhere in an alternate universe I am doing this….”

My favorite version of this game is the one I play when I get the opportunity to drive somewhere alone. I put on my favorite CD – of course it’s something retro from the eighties – roll down my windows, and crank up the volume. My boxy mini-van is magically transformed into a cherry red VW convertible Bug. Not a goldfish crumb in sight, I cruise down the road in a cloud of punch-bug happiness.

Now I know I could have picked a much snazzier car for my fantasy, but have you ever noticed that when you see a VW Bug, there is only one person driving it! That is crucial in my Alternate Universe.

“Mom, can you take me and the guys to soccer practice?”
“Sorry son, I don’t have room in the Bug, go ask your dad- he has plenty of room in his brand new extended cab 4x4.” (My husband also plays the game.)

Now some people may think it’s horrible that I dream about being single and without children. But the beauty of the game is that I do remember the lonely, desperate days of single life, when it seemed every other person was happily married. (I now know that was an elaborate hoax perpetrated by my friends to suck me into the Frumpy Zone.)

So while I imagine my own Alternate Universe, I know deep down that I would never
trade my husband and kids for anything in the world, not even a cherry red VW convertible bug.

Frumpy Zone QuizTrue or False:
Ø After nursing all of your children, your breasts could grace the cover of National Geographic.
Ø The crumbs inside your mini-van could feed a household of mice for a year.
Ø You have no idea what day it is.
Ø You tell time by what show is on Nick Jr.
Ø The male lead in your fantasies looks a lot like the host from Blues Clues.

>You are a Frumpy Housewife if you find most of these statements True.
Welcome to the Frumpy Zone!