Found! The Gospel of Mother's Day May 2007

My Mother’s Day usually goes something like this:

“Honey, the kids and I are going to take you out for breakfast.” I get ready, get the kids ready, find my husband’s shoes, fill the sippy cups, refill the diaper bag, change the baby’s diaper one last time, and chase everyone into the van. The day hasn’t even started and I’m exhausted.

This used to be my Mother’s Day until I found “The Official Mother’s Day Handbook” under my pillow one Mother’s Day morning. Thanks to the discovery of this long lost treasure, my Mother’s Day is quite different. I understand that many mothers have never heard of this mysterious handbook. Can you say, ‘Conspiracy?’ This book is more controversial than the DaVinci Code, which is why I keep my copy hidden away all year in a super secret location.

Excerpts from “The Mother’s Day Handbook”

Rule #1 All Mother’s are officially required to be the last person out of bed.

When the children come running into the bedroom at 6:35 am with cries of “Poopy diapy!” you are within your rights to tell your kids to “Go get Daddy,” before rolling over and going back to sleep.

Rule #2 Mother’s are not allowed to do any grunt work or cleaning of any kind for the entire 24 hours of their special day.

Don’t worry, everything will still be there tomorrow – it always is.

Rule #3 All Mother’s may spend their entire 24 hours doing anything that pleases them. It is highly encouraged that the mother leaves the house, alone. This allows the rest of the family to have time to create a special surprise for you.

The first time I did this, I felt a little guilty. I went to see a movie – ALONE! Why this never held any appeal to me when I was single, I’ll never know. To sit in the dark, uninterrupted, for 2 hours, eating my favorite snacks - pure bliss! I returned home to a surprise strawberry shortcake picnic.

(Page 10 of the book goes into great scientific detail explaining why consuming loads of calories doesn’t matter on this day – something about calories being unable to turn to fat when your body is relaxed.)

So this year, make Mother’s Day your day and celebrate it the way you want – guilt free! And if you come across an “Official Mother’s Day Handbook”, hide it in a safe place so it doesn’t get mysteriously misplaced.


A Poem from the “Official Mother’s Day Handbook”
M - marvelous memorable moment-maker
O - official optimistic organizer
T - turns tantruming tyrants timid
H - heavenly humorous housekeeper
T - terrific tenacious troubleshooter
E - exuberant even when exhausted
R - routinely running ragged. RELAX!