The Clothes Make the Woman November 2006

As the holiday season approaches, I know I’ll have at least one festive function to attend that requires me to dress like a W.W.C. (Woman Without Children). That means I will have to swim through the dirty laundry swamp on the floor of my wade-in closet and try to find something suitable to wear that isn’t stained, stretched or outdated. Don’t get me wrong, I do have nice clothes that I used to wear when I was in the workforce…somewhere…maybe I’ll just go shopping!
Shopping in the Frumpy Zone is a very exhilarating and frightening experience.
It’s exhilarating if you can get time to shop – WITHOUT THE KIDS! (PARTY IN THE FRUMPY ZONE!) But then you have the frightening experience of trying on clothes in the bright lights and distorted mirrors without the distraction of your three year old peeking under the fitting room door at the startled lady next to you. You have time to witness firsthand what bearing three children does to a 38 year old female body. YUK! This calls for the Three C’s of Shopping in the Frumpy Zone: Conceal, Contain, and Create.
Conceal those unwanted bulges with a dress that is form fitting in the chest and loose throughout the belly, hips, and thighs.
Contain the ever expanding midsection with one of those body shaping lycra slips. Our grandmothers called them girdles, today they’re called ‘SEXY.’
Create the ‘I just had implants’ look with a super sonic, padded push-up bra.
If you follow the Three C’s of Shopping in the Frumpy Zone, you will look like a W.W.C. and impress your friends, who have seen you one too many times on Saturday morning at the grocery store wearing sweats and your favorite, stained Underdog t-shirt.


TV Land Debates in the Frumpy Zone:
Underdog VS Hong Kong Phooey

For decades a great debate has raged throughout the land. Who is the coolest super-dog
hero – Underdog or Hong Kong Phooey?

THE UNDERDOG THEME



I am here to set the record straight: Underdog is undoubtedly the best. While Hong Kong Phooey had the cool magical car and that hip raspy voice, Underdog never gave up in the face of adversity. Not to mention that his show lasted for 9 years, Hong Kong Phooey’s show only lasted one.

Underdog would pop his Super Vitamin Pill which was hidden in a secret compartment in his ring. (Obviously, the show was created in the 60’s.) He’d fly off to save Polly Purebred unless his Super Vitamin Pill wore off, then Polly Purebred would save him. With the catchy theme song how could you not love Underdog?

“Nor bird, nor plane, nor even frog, it’s just little ‘ole me, Underdog!